randomness personified

unlikely company

I knew Stamford was an expensive city. However, this really surprised me...

This tidbit for people who consider a home more than a roof over your head: Atlanta ranks No. 8 among U.S. cities in the percentage of million-dollar houses...

As you might expect, a bunch of California cities showed up on the list: San Francisco (2), Pasadena (3), Los Angeles (4), Berkeley (6) and Fremont, tied with Atlanta and Honolulu for 8th place. Fort Lauderdale was fifth, and Stamford, Conn., was seventh.

yawn

Yeah, yeah. I'm a 65% e-bore. Frankly, I expected my score to be a bit higher.

Are you an e-bore?

eating by proxy

Dakota Blue may be a type of earthworm and is disturbingly close in name to the whacked-out offspring of Cher and one of those Allman hicks. However, it's also the name of my pal Alan's new restaurant in Atlanta.

It's a burrito joint and it sounds pretty good. Alan's a great cook so I urge all of my Atlanta readers to check it out, okay? It's in Grant Park on Cherokee Street next door to Adams Realty. It's in that little strip across from Grant Central Pizza in the storefront that was once the most over-priced NYC deli clone and later The Eating House.

Tell 'em I sent ya and report back!

P.S. I found the following when looking for info on Grant Central. It has the ambience of a bar. I have no idea what they're talking about. I don't they even attempt to have this sort of a vibe...

If you've never had a chance to catch a bite in New York's Grand Central Station, even to grab a Sabrett on the run, Grant Central Pizza and Pasta will offer you the ambience, if not the oyster bar. Grant Central's faux stone and marbelized tabletops, and a ceiling that recalls that of the classic Manhattan terminal, allow you to enjoy a relaxing meal without the fear of missing your train. In addition to pizza that ranges from a $1.45 slice to a $20 specialty pie, signature dishes include calzone and eggplant parmiagiana. You'll also find entrees such as beef tenderloin, pork loin, and shrimp and scallop dishes, with a choice of beer or wine.

a fool and his money

This morning I decided to bite the bullet and jump on the PVR bandwagon. Thing is, this offer for a ReplayTV with lifetime subscription was just too good to pass up.

A new hard drive and a little geekdom later and I'll have a big fat stash of bad television.

it's the end of the world as we know it

State's evidence #1
State's evidence #2
State's evidence #3

The prosecution rests...

more insult, more injury

Sorry for yet another Tiger post, but this has to be the single most embarassing loss ever...

Add a rearview mirror to that long list of Tigers needs.

With the bases loaded and two outs in the eighth inning of a 2-2 game Tuesday night at Comerica Park, Tigers reliever Steve Avery turned his back on Cleveland's runner at third, Omar Vizquel, who promptly pranced home with one of the more brash stolen bases of the season.

Stealing home? With two outs in a tie game? Simply going between pitches? It literally doesn't get any more embarassing than that.

obviously not boy scouts

Field Day is supposed to be a mega-concert on the far reaches of Long Island next weekend. The bill is pretty impressive. Beck, Beastie Boys, Sigur Ros and Blur are just some of the highlights.

However it seems that the promoters are ill-prepared to say the least. With less than two weeks until show time Suffolk County is denying their permit because of silly little issues like a police force for the expected 80,000 attendees, infrastructure concerns and environmental impact. They say that they're going to go on with the show but that certainly seems like wishful thinking. Doesn't it seem like they would have planned such a large event in a better manner?

with a grain of salt

Yesterday Dennis informed me that he's found a couple of my recent music suggestions to, well, suck. I think he was referring to Hot Hot Heat which I'll admit is a bit different than the alt.country sort of ground that he and I usually share. It's with great trepidation, therefore, that I suggest I couple of new things that I've been listening to. They're both odd. Really odd, in fact. I think they're good spring tunes, though.

The new album from Manitoba (Dan Smith) is really strange. "Up In Flames" is a insane hodge-podge of electronic and organic sounds. The result, to my ears, is incredibly fun and hummable. Think of it as Aluminum Group meets Beta Band. Don't take my word for it. Metacritic pretty much loves it, too. The second track, "Skunks," features croaking frogs. Need I say more?

With no new Flaming Lips to get me through the summer I've had to look elsewhere for baroque pop sugar. I've settled very squarely with The Starlight Mints and their new album "Built on Squares." For the uninitiated, the Mints create a jazz-tinged pop that really has to be heard to be understood. From an Insound review (because I couldn't say it any better and I wouldn't want to pull a Jayson Blair)...

An infectious orchestral psych-rock record from the Oklohoma (sic) co-eds that get compared endlessly to The Flaming Lips but really seem to have been spawned from an intociating (sic, again) one-night stand between The Kinks and The Pixies. Recommended.

So there. Two randomness recommendations that come with an outside seal of approval. Enjoy!

insult to injury

I rarely root for the Yankees. Sure, I jumped on the bandwagon in that magical October of 2001 when all of New York needed a pick-me-up. Today, however, I spent most of the afternoon hoping that Roger Clemens would find a way to pick up his epic 300th win.

Why, you ask? Was I sick of the endless string of hype about Clemens' feat? Sure. But Rocket's next attempt comes against my hapless Tigers. Looks like they'll be making more history.

memorial day

Nicked this moving gallery of photos from June Carter Cash's funeral from Vernam.

Poor Johnny really looks awful. I'm confused about Emmylou in photo nine, though. Isn't that an outfit from The Matrix?

so fresh and so clean, clean

Doesn't this always happen when I'm bored and it's raining?

Well? What do you kids think of it?! I can't take too much credit for it. I can do the coding, I just don't have a creative bone in my body. It's adapted from a design I found on blogstyles.

"i'd say that turkey went up an elevator"

Manhattan's wild turkey. A really confused bird? An urban legend? The product of Wild Turkey? You be the judge.

where it is that i come from

Today I received an invitation to the fifteen year reunion of my high school class. I haven't been to any of the the previous reunions and the jury's still out as to whether or not I'll make it to this one in late August.

The thing that struck me as funny, though, is that my hometown is so small that both the reunion and mixer are being held in Battle Creek, twenty minutes away.

Is it any wonder that I love NYC?

Addendum - You simply must watch this little flash promo for my hometown. How funny!

the other side of summer

Summer has never been my favorite of the seasons. I'm more of a spring guy. It seems that summer has never really excited me, never really raised the hope that it brings some people.

As a youngster I knew that the summer's recess meant that I'd invariably be going under the surgeon's knife. My parents always liked to schedule things that way. Heaven forbid I miss a few weeks of school at such a vital age. A little snip here, a little adjustment there and I'd be spending the summer months recooperating while I literally watched the other kids play.

Once I grew older I began to become acquainted with summer. This was Michigan, remember, and summers were both brief and brutal. By July the temperature was scorching and, this being the Midwest, central air-conditioning was nowhere to be found. It was a pointless luxury, the ol' AC, because by early September the swelter was replaced by the damp falling leaves.

When I lived in the UK summers were merely a passing fancy. A beautiful respite from a dark and damp winter. However, I knew that the season also marked the turning of the calendar. I knew that as summer began to wane we'd have to return to the States to another harsh Michigan winter.

Summer in Georgia is disturbingly unremarkable. Spring is demarked by Mother Nature bathing everything in her bright green pollen. It fades away as summer approaches and the heat becomes oppressive. The thing is, though, you're not allowed to enjoy summers in the South. That heat is so oppressive that you can only take it for spurts. The bugs sure love it, though.

Last year I experienced my first summer in the Northeast. I can't really say that I experienced it, per se, I was still getting used to my environs and not really settled. What I remember of it was hot, deserted and smelly.

This year I'm changing my tune. I'm no longer dreading you, summer. I welcome your challenge, your adventure. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

free fallin'

As if I needed another reason to run off to Vegas and avoid a bachelor party if I ever get married...

pandering to my public

Look, I think it's rather stupid but I know you kids go apesh*t over this stuff...

doggone wrong

I was writing a rather lengthy treatise on how wrong-headed I found the concept of Dog Island to be when it suddenly occured to me that it actually could be a very clever hoax. Guess what? It is. I must say, though, that it's very well done. I don't usually fall for these things.

What really made me wary was a link to the Homeless Grad Center which, while also being well done, is an obvious fake.

At any rate, Dog Island is still a bad idea...

the hipsters' hipster

I've never really thought that Elvis Costello truly appreciated his dedicated fan base. I guess I just assumed that he sort of did what he was feeling and couldn't care less about whether or not anyone liked it. Maybe I'm wrong. I love this answer from an interview after being honored with the ASCAP Founders Award.

I'm aware of the fact that with every change I both lose and gain people from a potential audience, and this is why I am reviled in some areas of the record industry for not adhering to brand identity. I am the person they fear most (laughs). In some respects I’m the person that proves that not listening to A&R advice is actually a lifetime of adventure. Listening to that nonsense that you must protect your identity and all of that timidness is the absolute antithesis of rock and roll.

To my mind, when I made King of America in the 80’s and it was all acoustic, that was more of a punk rock gesture at the time than to be screaming and shouting. So was The Juliet Letters. So was Painted from Memory. Because, relative to what people expect of me, I'm much happier to do the thing that confounds expectations, and make people aware of my curiosity in music and invite them into the world that I'm trying to create. I'm not doing this stuff to show off my versatility; I just love lots of different forms in which music can be expressed and I actually don't care about critical opinion or record company opinion. I care about reaching a number of people, and while I'm aware that some people will walk away aghast at the sound of The Juliet Letters record or Painted from Memory or even this record I'm working on now, there are many other people who will relax into it, or who will dive into it like the deep pool that music is, and they'll say "Oh, yes, that other stuff, I've heard him do that before, so now this is more curious to me."

For me, it all works out in the end. I have a free-floating group of listeners who I greatly appreciate that go with me through a lot of these changes. Some find the next change or emphasis not to their liking and they may drift away. Then something else I do regains their attention. I have to go with what's true to me, and I think the smart people appreciate and respect that I'm doing it for sincere reasons and that I'm not being perverse.

Those people who are superficial about me and only say "Oh, it's that angry guy in the glasses," I don't care about what they think. They never understood me from day one. They never understood the tenderness of a song like "Alison." They only heard the superficiality. A lot of the ideas of what it is I do are written by overgrown boys who live alone and don't know many women. I mean to say that they have no experience of life. They're like Comic Book Guy in "The Simpsons." That's who writes those sort of reviews of my records. And I know that's true.

I do know some things. I have lived a little bit of a broader experience, so while I don't want to be highhanded about it, I can't obviously limit myself to this very narrow definition of what's hip and what isn't hip. Because I know what's hip. What's hip is what's hip to you in the moment, you know? And if that's the gentlest or the loudest sound, that's what's hip to you, and that's what you need. There's a time in life for Hoagy Carmichael. There's a time in life for Claude Debussy. There's a time in life for Jerry Lee Lewis. There's a time in life for Destiny's Child. All of these things have their moment.

it's a free world, baby

I love NYC. All of these great shows are taking place this summer. Oh, and they're all free...

This is culled from a bunch of places and really is just a reference for me. Well, and for you to drool over. This doesn't include Shakespeare in the Park or a bunch of really interesting theater pieces taking place in downtown parks nor a bunch of amazing Met performances in the Park.

All Summer - Movies in Bryant Park
All Summer - Lincoln Center Out of Doors
5/27 - James Brown (Battery Park)
6/14 - Scorsese's "The Blues" along with Chris Thomas King (Central Park)
6/17 - Fab Faux (World Financial Center Plaza)
6/26 - Mose Allison (South Street Seaport)
6/29 - Daniel Lanois and Rufus Wainwright (CP)
7/4 - Ryan Adams & Jesse Malin (BP)
7/8 - Patti Smith (WFCP)
7/9 - Guy Clark & Ramblin' Jack Elliott (Rockefeller Park)
7/10 - Lambchop (Castle Clinton)
7/12 - De La Soul (CP)
7/17 - Cat Power (CC)
7/21 - Levon Helm (Hudson River Park)
7/23 - The McGarrigle Sisters (RP)
7/31 - The Del McCourey Band (CC)
8/3 - Sparks (CP)
8/14 - Indigo Girls (CP)
8/14 - Ted Lee & The Pharmacist (SSS)
8/16 - Polyphonic Spree (CP)

thorn in my side

I was more than mildly interested when I heard about a new "super group" on the horizon. The band The Thorns is comprised of one of my favorite jangly popsters (Matthew Sweet) and a couple of artists that I think are either mildly interesting (Pete Droge) or having some talent (Shawn Mullins). I was hoping that the combination of their skills and styles would result in something interesting and unique.

Well, I was wrong. Their much-hyped sound is incredibly stale and uninteresting. According to their site they're mentioned "in reviews very favorably with the likes of... Crosby, Stills, and Nash." I'm here to tell you, they are CS&N. Bad '80s CS&N at that.

I'd link to an MP3 here so that you could all hear for yourselves. Unfortunately The Thorns have taken a cheeky page out of the Madonna book and all of the MP3s on shared sites are some dumb drum loop. Way to build excitement about a new band, guys!!

They're opening for the Jayhawks on June 27th here. I missed the 'hawks last time they were through town. I might have to miss this one, too.

hello doggy

I'm not sure, but I think the authorities should be notified of this, this and this. That's one unhappy dog.

My generation knew June Carter

My generation knew June Carter as Johnny Cash's wife, as the woman who wrote Ring of Fire and as part of the Carter Family. By the time I became aware of her, she was this really seductive, Appalachian mountain princess who had captured Johnny Cash's eye. We didn't realize what my parents' generation knew, which was that June was the funniest of the Carter Sisters. Her act was this absurd, comedic take on herself.
-Dwight Yoakam, 2003

Nobody could ever have a truer companion through the sickness as June was. We're closer now than we've ever been in our lives. We've seen a lot of them die and fall, seen great artists bite the dust, but she and I have fought together and fought for each other, and we're one.
-Johnny Cash, 2000

There are so many things I could tell about those years — the sleepless nights in the apartment he shared with Waylon Jennings, the wrecks, the pain, the hurt. He should have died a thousand times from an overdose or a wreck. ... But God never let him go, and neither did I.
-June Carter Cash, 1979

hotter than a pepper sprout

It's a sad day at randomness. June Carter Cash has passed away. June is being eulogized today as Johnny's wife but she was so, so much more. She was brilliant songwriter, a top-notch actress and a tireless humanitarian.

She was also John R. Cash's saviour. Quite literally. I have no doubt that the world would have been robbed of Johnny many moons ago if not for June. Their love was legendary and obvious to anyone who watched them for even a moment. As Johnny wrote in his brilliant 1997 autobiography...

June said she knew me -- knew the kernel of me, deep inside, beneath the drugs and deceit and despair and anger and selfishness, and knew my loneliness. She said she could help me. ... If she found my pills, she flushed them down the toilet. And find them she did; she searched for them, relentlessly.

I had the small miracle of once seeing June in Phipps Plaza in Atlanta. I don't normally bother "stars" but I simply had to say hello. It was like she was my grandmother. She was kind and funny and self-effacing. I'll never forget that moment.

Here's June in one of her spunkiest and funniest bits. The intro always makes me laugh. "I'm talkin' with my mouth, it's way up here!" (right-click, save target as)

This turn with Johnny and Sheryl Crow seems very fitting today. (right-click, save target as)

My biggest fear is that Johnny, who has his own well-documented health problems, will lose his spirit now. Really. They were that strong together.

We saw houses falling from the sky
Where the mountains lean down to the sand
We saw blackbirds circling 'round an old castle keep
And I stood on the cliff and held your hand

We walked troubles brooding wind swept hills
And we loved and we laughed the pain away
At the end of the journey, when our last song is sung
Will you meet me in Heaven someday

J.R. Cash

saving you the effort

It tastes like someone added Robitussin and sugar cane to Sprite. Ick.

the matrix: overloaded

Look, I'm going to see the new installment of The Matrix at some point as, I assume, will most of you. However, is there really any reason that the freaking Angelika is showing it on four screens? It's the Angelika. C'mon!

and i'm a music geek, too

I've had "Bandages" by Hot Hot Heat on constant rotation today (and I do mean constant). Will someone please explain how this quartet of twenty-somethings channel early Costello (complete with an Attractions-like rhythm and a classic Nieve bubbling keyboard) as filtered through Robert Smith and Graham Parker? Weird.

geek humor

I went to college on a debate scholarship. Yeah, yeah. I'm a geek. Deal with it. I just thought of something that will be funny to about, well, none of you. One of my co-workers just said "Wow! I'm dropping everything today" and it reminded me of a round where I actually began a rebuttal by saying...

I can't believe it. He just dropped everything but his pants!

It was an elimination round. We won. I rock.

heed the warnings

I'm currently on a few medications for a little problem that I'm having with my left leg. Three medications, to be exact, each of which is plastered with stickers with senseless icons about how to take the medication.

The first sticker on med #1 says that it should be taken with a full glass of water. The second sticker says that it should be taken with food or milk. I don't drink milk (I sometimes eat dairy. Yeah, I'm a mess.) so I take this one with food and water.

I'm supposed to take the second drug simultaneously with the first. It, however, carries a sticker that says "Do not take with antacids, vitamins or foods with high amounts of iron and/or protein." I have to take both of these medications twice a day. My solution? A Twinkie for breakfast and a bag of Cheetos for dinner. Oh, and a nice glass of water. Yum!

I, of course, exaggerate slightly. It is, however, difficult to work them all in.

Oh, and the best? Medication #2 makes it difficult to sleep. Medication #3, therefore, is the sleep aid Ambien. The sticker on its bottle? "Warning - May cause drowsiness." I kid not...

randomness snapped

Danger. Retard with a camera.

falling into place

For anyone who has missed it, you really should check out this simply amazing Honda ad. No trickery was involved. Pretty cool, huh?

joni eareckson is the anti-christ

Okay. That's probably a bit harsh. However, I got to poking around her page a bit this afternoon and it was pretty troubling.

Joni is probably one of the four most visible crips in the history of the United States. No. Really. I'm serious. Superman, FDR, Joni and John Hockenberry. That's about all we've got. I have issues with all of them except Hockenberry (who I actually saw yesterday in Bryant Park).

Joni's all into her Christian ministry. Whatever. Not my bag. No big deal. However, she then has to write this sort of dreck. The synopsis is sickening...

Joni and Steve show you how to build mutually fulfilling relationships based on insights into how Jesus related to individuals with disabilities. She also offers story after story of hope and joy of those who've crossed the barriers, from either direction, and found a lifetime of friends.

Heaven forbid (pun intended) you just talk to a disabled person like they are, I don't know, a person. You need to analyze your friendship. "Why do I like this crip? How would Jeebus talk to Mike?" Perhaps I should get wristbands that say "HWJTTM?" Ugh. So wrong.

where's al?

Poor Al. His luster has certainly faded. Here was the man elected president over the weekend...

What illustrious event was he headlining? Why, none other than the opening of the International Art Exhibition of the Association of Mouth and Foot Painting Artists Worldwide! They opened a new Family Dollar store across from my building last week. It's a shame he was unavailable.

Now, before I get flames, I'm a crip. I understand that organizations like this one are important. My mother dragged me to see Joni when I was a kid. It's moving stuff. Of course, she's now a Republican shill who they trot out to tug on the ol' heartstrings.

It just seems that ol' Al should have better things to do with his time.

wurd

A great little script to make generate poems from pages can be found here. I nicked the idea from Alex. Here's something more bizarre than what I could write. I likes it...

randomness personified a consultant?
Que? Network!
freak out. not There almost
seven years. The time.
and I am! so gonna
rip some
cushions open.

nothing cool ever happens to me

Although my cohorts and I did spot Gloria Estefan and Rosie O'Donnell outside the Gypsy premiere over the weekend, I still get jealous reading the absurd Gawker Stalker features. I mean, how cool would this have been...

"David Byrne riding a bike up Horatio Tuesday at 9:30 a.m. and wearing a black English riding hat."

identity crisis

I've received three e-mails from musicians in the last two weeks assuming that I was Mike Wolf, the Associate Music Editor for Time Out New York. Frankly, I'm flattered that someone could mistake my musical ramblings for those of a professional. Apparently you can reach "that" Mike Wolf at music@timeoutny.com. I'd be more than happy to review any CD that you'd like to send to me, though!! Seriously! :-)

It should also be noted that I'm not Mike Wolf who currently produces animation for "The Simpsons" and was nominated for an Emmy for his work on "King Of The Hill." I'm also not Mike Wolf, author of horror short stories. I'm certainly not this fella.

I am however the Michael Wolf(f) who was Arsenio Hall's band leader. No! Really. I am!

don't fear the reaper

A full recap of our zany weekend a bit later. Suffice it to say that I'm completely exhausted today.

I did receive some troubling news on Friday, though. I work for a small consulting firm. There are five of us techie-types who do the actual consulting, two owners, two administrative sorts and one woman who does our marketing. Business has been, well, slow as of late. We're doing pretty good now (or at least that's my impression) but we went for several months at the beginning of 2003 without a lot of projects. We (the "guys") were a bit concerned but nothing was said to us. On Thursday one of the consultants was let go. He'd been there almost seven years. The two administrators were both cut back to 20 hours a week and the marketing woman was told that she should plan on us needing her "a couple of times a month."

On first blush this seems very, very scary but we're being assured that it's not. There are some projects on the horizon and this is a one-time financial decision. The consultants that they've kept all have parts in the upcoming gigs and we're "safe." It's still incredibly unnerving. My role at the company is pretty secure, I think. I do things that the programmers don't want to do and I think they'd keep me around unless they decided to shut the place down (which I don't see happening in the near future). In addition, one of my co-workers happened to get his pre-approval for a home loan on Thursday. He asked them about it and they told him to go ahead and buy a house.

I'll talk to them tomorrow and I'm really, really trying not to freak out. I'm not really succeeding...