Well, I'm back. Thanks for all of the kind words and well wishes. I very sincerely appreciate each and every one. Special thanks to the two crazy cats who stopped by to keep me very entertained. A jaw-dropping thanks to my cow-orker who showed up with the most absurd bag of gifts ever (think Gameboy Advanced, games and DVDs).

So what happened, you ask? Well, it seems that the antibiotics that I was on decided that they were really hungry. They did a really fantastic job of eating all of the bacteria in my system and my white blood cells. A normal white count is 4.1. When I was admitted on Tuesday my count was at 0.8. In other words, something as simple as a cold or cut could have seriously become life-threatening.

With proper care my count bounced back fairly quickly but I must admit that I was pretty much a disaster for the first day. The symptoms (high fever, a bit achy) weren't really that bad. The psychological trauma was, however, pretty intense. I was on a oncology floor and kept in a so-called clean room. Anyone who came into the room had to gown up and I was constantly being poked and prodded. Like I say, though, that all ended pretty quickly.

They kept me a few extra days to monitor me (they were obviously more than a bit concerned, too) and to get a new piece of hardware. That's right. A new one. No longer do I have to carry my friend the CADD Plus (although I do still have to go to the hospital every day for IV meds). Now I have the absurdly absurd V.A.C. Freedom attached to my foot. Yes, it's supposed to be the miracle cure for my foot. Yes, I'll do anything to be done with all of this mess. However, allow me three complaints. It's the least you can do.

* It's heavy and bulky. There's no way it only weighs 3.2 pounds. It's easily 5-6 and it has about 6' of tubing coming out of it. There's literally no way I'm going into Manhattan until this thing is off. There's really not much at I can do with it.

* I have to have a home health nurse come two days a week to change it. Those of you who know me know exactly how crazy that makes me.

* The coup de gras? It makes farting noises. No. I'm not kidding. It sounds like somebody's grandpa after a big bowl of beans. Not constantly, mind you, rather at completely unpredictable intervals. Once it starts, though, you can count on it lasting for five or ten minutes. Yep.

Really, though, who am I to bitch? I'm alive. I have great friends. I can almost see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's just been a lot, though, ya know?