P. Frank's comment highlights an issue that I'm never quite sure how to broach. He wisely opines...
I don't think that you should make an explicit point about the chair; I think that you should just say "I was rolling across the street when I ran into a car... etc."
I tend to agree. I mean, I'm not all about the chair. Really, it says very little about me. I don't want people to read the profile and think "Ew. Crip. No thanks." Honestly, I think that happens more often than not and it really sells me short. On the other hand, it would be a bit shady not to at least mention it, right? I'm really looking for the female opinion here. What say you?
And, dammit, you're not really upset about the IGF fiasco, are you? I mean, I just sort of chickened out. Bock, bock, etc.
Posted by mikewolf at May 23, 2004 09:38 PMI know you're looking for girl-chat and not to be all square or nothing, but I think you really need to mention the chair. I mean, if somebody is gonna be all EW! about it, don't you want to weed those people out beforehand? Seems like it needs to be mentioned.
Posted by: Ken Goldstein on May 24, 2004 02:17 AMI think you have to mention it. But don't specifically discuss how it is a non-issue. I think all the other things that will be in your profile (your love of the city, your taste in entertainment, your ... whatever) will make that point for you.
But, having said that, I really like the answer about you running into the car. It proves how comfortable you are with yourself. It shows that you have a great sense of humor. You're willing to put yourself out there for a little good-natured teasing. Maybe take out some of the comments leading up to the story talking about how the person will forget about the chair 15 minutes after meeting you...
Posted by: Meredith on May 24, 2004 08:52 AMI completely agree with Meredith. You have to mention it, but don't beat the point to death. Basically "It's there, deal with it."
Not mentioning it is wayyyyy too shady. And if/when she calls you on it, what do you say? "Oh, I completely forgot I was in a wheelchair! How 'bout that?"
Posted by: K. Britt on May 24, 2004 12:38 PMI think it important to stress that I never wanted to not mention it. Sheesh. I'm not that sketchy! I just don't know how to do it so it doesn't become an immediate rejection. That's all.
Posted by: mrw on May 24, 2004 12:45 PMif it DOES becomes an immediate rejection... is that really the kind of person you would want to date anyway?
Posted by: Daniella on May 24, 2004 02:27 PMYou can say that you have a totally kickass wheelchair with, like, turbowheels or something.
Posted by: Ken Goldstein on May 24, 2004 04:50 PMA rocket propelled uber-chair!
Posted by: Daniella on May 24, 2004 06:44 PM>is that really the kind of person you would
>want to date anyway?
A fair point, but good people make shallow decisions every day. Just look at who we elect! I'm not prepared to write all those people off, and Mike shouldn't be, either. Given the chance, even shallow people can make a good decision and maybe become less shallow . . .
There's nothing wrong, IMO, with someone getting to know you a little before you reveal something that's pretty personal. That's a real advantage of on-line life, and I see nothing deceptive about it. Probably talking about your chair before you meet up would spare both parties a bit of awkwardness, but on the other hand, gauging the person's reaction in person could be a good test of character. The question is whether you want to subject yourself to that. We all have traits that are difficult to broach, but most of us get to put them off until we've known the person a while. Though that might not be an option for you in this case, I'm not sure everyone wouldn't be better off if they'd just be more direct.
Posted by: Vernam on May 25, 2004 11:33 AM