Seriously, what's wrong with Cheeseburger in Paradise?

#2 Was the BEST LAUGH I've had in a long time (or at least since Joe left last week). I even had to show it to Keven since he was in my cube when I was reading it and wanted to know what I was laughing at. Don't you DARE change that answer.

#4 There just isn't another answer. At least that's better than the fat chick on Gilmore Girls.

#5 I'm no help on this one. I'm sure you've lied to me plenty, but you're evidently good enough at it that I haven't caught you.

#8 You must mention that if you were allowed six items, the last would be your 1,000 volume bootleg Elvis Costello CD collection...and the vinyl collection, too.

#9 I like your answer. But I'm a very funny girl. I got no prayer of ever being sexy, so I gotta hope that there are men somewhere out there who think laughing is sexy.

#11 What I've like about Mike: Great sense of humor, deep intelligence, huge heart, my only "hip" friend, a good listener... Gotta stop before your head explodes.

#12 (Good thing you didn't list Skynyrd or we could no longer be friends.) Of course you won't write this, but you really want to just answer, "Parker Posey. 'Nuff said."

Q3 - I'll get back to you on this

Q9 - It's hard not to be cheesy with questions like this, but how about Smiling is Sexy, but Laughing is Sexier...I like your answer better

Q11 - Parker Posey crossed with Tina Fey

My suggestions:

Q3 - any of the scenes from The Pillow Book... that movie is HAWT.

Q4 - um, yeah...

Q5 - don't know you well enough. Yet. {smiles}

Q7 - anything by Nina Simone? She always puts me in the mood... something about that voice....

Q9 - how about...enjoying Elvis Costello's music is sexy. Owning every single goddamn CD is sexier...?

Q11 - cause you RAWK. You're funny and interesting and you're comfortable enough in your own skin to drink girlie drinks with new friends!

Q12 - a girl to complete you? Gag. I don't know on this one.

By the way, you have my old url listed on your blogroll... when you get around to it, can you change it?

i wouldn't use the word "hipster." it makes you sound like a hipster.

Q3 - The denouement sex scene of "Cat People" (the Schrader update) in which Nastassja Kinski is tied to the bed so she won't eat her boy when they're done.

Nothing from Demonlover....

Hey Linus, you're finally getting to be Cyrano!

> Q3 - Favorite on-screen sex scene?

Your own cameo appearance in "Ron Jeremy's Jiffy Lube."

[BTW, my fav scene would have to be the life-giving-through-subcutaneous-sex scene, between the good doctor and the monsters' bride to be, in Andy Warhol's Frankenstein. *Totally* sick and hot at the same time. Try to see it in 3-D!]

Q5 - Best or worst lie I've ever told

See ans to Q3.

Q6 - If I could be anywhere at the moment:

'In your pants?' Too hipster?

Q7 - Song or album that puts me in the mood:
Your answer: Lambchop album "Is A Woman." Holy shit, Mike. Seek help fast! Try something with some BEAT, some GROOVE. damn, do I have to draw you a diagram? [Another BTW, I'm going to post a review about george michael's latest. "Patience". you've been forewarned!]

> Q9 - _____ is sexy; ______ is sexier

Prince; Prince Spaghetti.

Q10 - In my bedroom you'll find
A guitar that needs tuning, a stack of New Yorkers that I _really_ plan on reading soon, some scary PC stuff, my kick-ass but disturbingly lazy cat.

I'd drop the phrase 'kick-ass.' Makes you sound like some lameo FoxTV dating skank. Which, all except for the FoxTV part, might actually be true. On second thought, leave it in!

Q11 - Why you should get to know me

You're vegan, so your shit literally doesn't stink?
I enjoy being ignored?

Glad to help.

I would drop the "traipsing" comment. Might make you sound condescending to those who you wish to attract.

Favorite Sex Scene? I've always been fond of the one in the last part of Woody Allen's "Everything you ever wanted to know..." You know, the scene where Woody playes a sperm and Tony Randall and Burt Reynolds run the "Control Room."

Best lie? "Right back at'cha, baby." Too bad that story isn't appropriate for the situation.

How 'bout "laughing is sexy; laughing so hard that milk sprays out your nose is sexier?"

Maybe not.

I like the "traipsing" comment. Leave it in. Then again, what do I know?

Thanks for all the tips, tipsters! I've been running around like a looney (an continuing to do so until I get back from Atlanta) but wanted to respond...

Okay, let's start from the beginning -

P. Frank - No. "Cheeseburger in Paradise" is awful. I could give a pass on "A Pirate Looks Back at 40", perhaps. I'm really speaking of those who own multiple Buffet CDs or, egads, style themselves as "Parrotheads."

Meredith - Don't worry. The story's stickin'. Thanks for the nice words *BAM*

Suzy Q - Still waiting... :-)

Daniella - Ooh! Pillow Book. Greenaway. That might be an excellent, excellent idea.

Mattie - Guilty as charged?

Linus - Good, good. If I wanted yet another psycho... :-)

Dean - Where to start? Kick-ass will go. Good call. Lambchop is sexy as hell. It about the mood, daddy-o. The moooooood...

Jim - Clearly you don't know me well enough. I am smug and condescending. I'm a ass. Hmm. Perhaps we've found the problem.

K. Britt - Holy hell. That IS the best lie. However it prolly wouldn't be appropriate.

okay. i hate to be the downer here, but isn't the whole point of a profile so that people get to know you? how does that happen if other people are answering the questions for you?

i'm confused.

I'd help you, but I don't want to get left holding the bag again like with that Imaginary Girlfriend deal.

I know, I know. I feel bad about he whole IGF fiasco. Please accept my sincerest apologies and retribution in the form of Maker's Mark.

Yeah, send some of that whiskey over here, too.

I don't think that you should make an explicit point about the chair; I think that you should just say "I was rolling across the street when I ran into a car... etc."

If they're smart (you're going for smart, right? if not, then ignore this advice), they'll figure it out.