I've tried, Elvis. Really I have. I listened to all the fanboys and fangirls last night who told me that I should listen to "North" over and over. They told me that it would slowly overtake me. That soon I would find myself humming "Still" and hanging on every bizarrely phrased nuance. It's a beautiful record, or so they tell me. I dunno. Must be me. I put it on over and over but all I hear is some guy trying to sing all these weird angles that he can't. It's just not good Just... not... good...

I saw your show last night at Town Hall. One of the aforementioned fangirls told me that it was one of her three favorite Elvis shows. Again, it must be me. It's just that there are only so many times a boy can hear "Deep Dark Truthful Mirror" and "God's Comic" and still get excited by it. Those ten new songs that you played from "North?" Elvis, c'mon. You were singing scales at one point, my friend. You're not Sinatra and you're not Cole Porter.

However, I do have to thank you for taking to the piano to play Johnny's "I Still Miss Someone." Who knew you could play that well? Why, you resuscitated
a song I saw Tift Merritt simply murder over the weekend. Thanks for that, Elvis. Your piano set was really entertaining. Reminded me of Ray Charles. Oh. Sorry. Bad subject.

So I'm going to get ready to see you again tonight at the A&E taping. While I'm getting ready I'll put on my limited edition Japanese copy of "North" (I'll put the DVD portion on later). I just want you to know that I'm not happy about it. You're in love. We get that. Good for you, mate. Good for you.