Last week I managed to get my hands on an advance copy of Elvis Costello's forthcoming release entitled "North." As you may have heard, I'm a borderline luanatic when it comes to all things Costello. Therefore, it was with giddy anticipation that I put on the new record.

Well, dear readers, that giddiness was soon replaced with confusion and frustration. EC has been known to take some odd roads. Records with the Brodsky Quartet and Burt Bacharach certainly come to mind. He's certainly an artist who likes to explore musical genres. I can appreciate his range and have gone on some wild, but ultimately fulfilling, rides with the man. I knew that this one would be pretty crazy, too. I didn't, however, think it would be dreadful.

I'm here to tell you that, unfortunately, dreadful is what it happens to be. It's an entire album of orchestral and jazz-tinged ballads. It's no longer Elvis the angry youth. It's Elvis the crooner to the extreme. From the first lush notes of the opening track "You Left Me In The Dark" Mr. MacManus finds himself out of his league trying to hit notes that his trademark scruff can't approach. This isn't to say that orchestral ballads don't work for Costello. On the contrary, several of his collaborations with Bacharach on 1999's "Painted From Memory" are brilliant. To my ears, though, that's primarily due to the fact that no one on Earth writes orchestral pop hooks like Bacharach. The medium isn't Elvis' strength and, by golly, it shows. In the end it's a confusing array of weird angles and notes that he can't hit. Even his trademark wit has been reduced to lines like

I lay my head down on fine linens and satin
Away from the mad-hatters who live in Manhattan
The Empire State Building illuminating the sky
I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood again.

Is the album really that bad? Probably not. Heck, I might even like it upon repeated listenings. In fact, a couple of the songs are already tolerable to me. It's just not what I was hoping for. It's just not up to the standard that Costello has set for himself.

Elvis very famously opens his liner notes for the re-release of "Goodbye Cruel World" by saying "Congratulations. You've just purchased the worst record in my catalog." Unfortunately, I think it may now have company.